We Don’t Recruit Pricks

That title isn’t my typical language but it was used to describe the type of soccer player colleges aren’t looking for to join their programs. Yes character matters and as closely as we might be examining a college’s campus, academics, soccer programs, and personality of coaches, players and college staff, they too might have a kid under the microscope.

Recently a coach from a major university told my husband Chad, “We don’t recruit pricks.”  Well, alrighty then!  It was more of a man to man conversation than a formal recruitment spill, but for this momma, it was a powerful statement.  Luckily coach, we have a nice boy for ya!

So, although we have just finished leg one of the college-road-trip-recruitment-selection process, my insight tells me that there are a few things to consider when preparing kiddos for college 101.

Manner um up!

Manners are non-negotiable in our household.  When I fix your breakfast, find your lost sock, or fold 8 loads of your laundry, you better say Thank You, with all sincerity. If you want to be hauled over to the mall, top-golf or to your friend’s house, you best start your request with a Please-Mommy-dear-honey-sweety.  Even if we are sitting on the couch, and I pass you the tissues, I expect a thank you.  Don’t “yeah” me and don’t “nope” me if you don’t want the icy momma stare-down.  I expect a yes ma’am, or a no ma’am and those rules apply, forever and where ever.  One of the greatest compliments is to have another adult tell you how well mannered your child is with them; those mannerly skills are etched into their soul when parents expect it and it serves them well in preparation for many of life’s interactions.  People remember a kid with good manners!

There is a whole lot of shaking going on!

A hand shake, eye contact, and a pleasant salutation! First impressions can be impactful!  One tradition I love about the FCD Academy teams is their traditional hand-shake greeting.  Players and coaches greet each other for practice, games, and any interaction, with a hand shake.  It is sometimes a hand-shaking frenzy around here!!  The players even make special effort to shake hands with everyone’s family members.   I can barely make it onto the pitch without being met with 5 hands to shake,  a kiss on my cheek, and sweet “momma Jackie” hug by a kid or two.  Kids need to learn how to give a good firm hand shake; nothing like shaking a noodle-hand that feels like you are going to break it; give me a firm strong grip! The art of hand shaking has translated over to nearly all greetings for Coy, Bailey and yes, it has rubbed off on Shelby as well; love a 12 year old girl who shakes her coach’s hand after practice; a sweet blond who introduces herself with a hand shake, good eye contact and a warm smile.  Love that! People remember a kid with a good hand shake!
                
Practice Makes Perfect

It is important that kids practice their words, and even actions, especially when they have the opportunity to represent themselves with coaches, college representatives, class presentations, etc.  In the beginning of the college recruitment process, we would be contacted by the FC Dallas college liaison and told that a college coach wanted Coy to call him. (Coach’s can’t call or contact young players; there are lots of rules on the timing of recruitment activities).   As you can imagine, to a 15 year old kid, that was very intimidating. So we would practice salutations, discuss possible questions they might ask, and formulate questions and conversation points that he could initiate as well.  Even during the first few conversations, I was close by in case he needed a life-line or a help.  Then before long, he was well versed and prepared for any spontaneous requests to call coaches.  People remember a kid who can carry on a decent conversation, has some confidence,  and speaks with curiosity and interest.

Represent Me Well! Or else! 

A few weeks ago, when Coy got a list of interview questions from topdrawersoccer.com, the reporter’s statement was “I saw on twitter that you had committed to UNC?”  In Coy’s most recent trips to National Team camps, the pre-camp information requested twitter, instagram, facebook  handles and reminded players that they represented usasoccer on and off the field.  People are watching!  It’s important that the images and words that are used in social media represent the character that they would like to emulate to the business and college world.  Otherwise just shhhh.  I remind my kids that where ever they go, where ever they are, and in all circumstances, they represent the Craft family and more specifically, Chad and I.  The “or else” lessons I remind them of are: we pay for your phone, all of your luxuries, and that we, in fact, own you. You are not entitled too much as a kid; I will dress you appropriately, feed you to keep you alive, provide a reasonable place to sleep and exist, and I will make sure you get to school; but beyond that, you should be counting your blessings for all the extras! Until  you are self sufficient, then respect and represent me well or else you can live with a lot less “things” than you currently are privileged to have in your life.  People like a kid who represents their family well!

Be nice! To everyone!

It is so much easier not to be nice.  The instinct to be nice and helpful is a learned, and relearned process; a daily process, no perhaps,  an hourly process.   It is easy to be nice to people you like, who like you and with whom you enjoy their company.   There is so much character built in being nice to people you don’t like, you don’t typically associate with, and with whom you have chance encounters. It is especially meaningful for pre-teens and teenagers with their peer groups. If someone needs encouraged, encourage them;  If someone drops their papers all over the floor, pick them; if someone doesn’t have a partner in a class activity, go be their partner; if someone stops to speaks to you, take the time to hear them.  If someone is being bullied, stand by their side or put that bully in their place! Shelby recently came home from a middle school football game telling us she had smacked a classmate; what? Apparently a kid was creating drama and false information that was upsetting another fella who happens to be a friend of Shelby. Yikes, bullying the bully perhaps? She got commended by her father and reminded by me about the consequences that she was lucky to have avoided – getting punched back, getting in trouble for fighting on school property, etc.  But I treasure those teacher emails, those stops in the school office, or a comment on the sideline of the soccer fields when folks share particular moments when my kids have been kind, went out of their way to be helpful to someone, or just simply had good manners and sweet behaviors around friends and their families. Everyone likes a nice kid!

My kids ain’t perfect. But we sure spend a lot of time and energy trying to training them right. Active parenting is so very exhausting.  If you aren’t tired, frustrated, wanting to choke a kid or two here and there, or get a little teary eyed by the way they bless you on occasion, then you need to be all that, all the time! Chad assigns each grey hair in his beard to one of our three and getting that credit isn't a compliment, ha!  We make lots of mistakes.  But in the end, our kids leave us and grow from many of the seed we plant throughout their entire life. If we don’t plant some good stuff, then good stuff won’t grow.   So start planting!